8 Domains: Romantic
The Romantic Domain
Showing up as the partner you want to be
What part of romance hasn't been covered in story, music, or poetry by now? Romantic relationships are a dominant concern for good reason; high-quality romantic relationships play a key role in our mental well-being, especially as adolescents and emerging adults. A supportive partnership can be far more than the sum of its people with more resources, energy, and cheerleading lining the path toward personal and shared goals.[1]
While romantic urges are ancient, the modern romantic landscape is increasingly complex, with online dating, virtual reality, and the ability to move around the country all playing a role in the ways we seek romantic partners. In 2023, a OnePoll/Forbes Health survey of 5,000 people found that nearly three in ten had used dating apps and a majority of them found a romantic, exclusive relationship using the tool. The same year, Pew Research data found that about half of single individuals were interested in casual dates or committed relationships.[2]
Once you've determined how to look for partners, there's deciding who you're looking for. Several theories surround the way we choose partners. Evolutionary theory focuses on the factors that helped our ancestors survive and mate, while social role theory expects preferences to shift with societal norms.[3] Still another, attachment theory, examines how our caregivers' work influences who we look for and how we handle others.
However, research finds some factors that are universal across explanations. Humans generally select partners with similar physical attractiveness, background, personality, and experience. We tend to choose people in the same geographic area that we see often. And we prize warmth, social skill, and intellectual competence.[4]
The Romantic Domain can help you cut through the noise of modern coupledom by focusing on your relationship to and experience with your significant partner or partners. It finds that success involves first showing up as you: that self that you find in solitude, reflection, and learning from your experiences. It is extremely tempting to bend to your partner's wishes, especially at the beginning of a romantic relationship. While flexing your boundaries can be healthy if done intentionally and occasionally, a relationship with a weak foundation[5] can result from acting outside of your comfort zone and becoming someone you don't recognize.
In the pursuit of healthy connections, It is critical to determine the kind of romantic partner you want to be. Your actions are the only ones you can control, and knowing why you want certain values in your relationship will help you communicate and negotiate successfully for those values. This awareness highlights that no one person can meet all of your needs. The Eight Domains involve all life balance, and while our romantic relationships are crucial to our well-being, they cannot hold the weight of dissatisfaction in other domains.
So how do you determine the type of partner you want to be? In addition to exploring your values and implementing investment strategies, knowing what kind of partner or potential partner you are today is a good place to begin. Your family of origin provided you with your first models for relationships and either healthy or maladaptive ways of dealing with others. Your skill set can help or hinder your ability to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship; partners must develop and maintain communication, conflict resolution, commitment, and intimacy.[6]
Self-exploration in the Romantic Domain leads to direction, motivation, and confidence, all great to have in a romantic relationship.
[1] Grundstrom, J., Konttinen, H., Berg, N., & Kiviruusu, O., (2021). Associations between relationship status and mental well-being in different life phases from young to middle adulthood. SSM – Population Health 14. 100774. doi: 10.1016/j.ssmph.2021.100774. Unsurprisingly, transgressions, violence, arguments, and power imbalances negatively impact affected partners.
[2] Booth, J. (2024). Dating Statistics And Facts in 2024. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/
[3] Shpancer, N. (2014) Laws of Attraction: How Do We Select a Life Partner? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-of-attraction-how-do-we-select-a-life-partner?
[4] Shpancer, N. (2014) Laws of Attraction: How Do We Select a Life Partner? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-of-attraction-how-do-we-select-a-life-partner?
[5] Weak foundations can include pressure, codependence, or inauthenticity as well as more serious abuses and power imbalances.
[6] Grundstrom, J., Konttinen, H., Berg, N., & Kiviruusu, O., (2021). Associations between relationship status and mental well-being in different life phases from young to middle adulthood. SSM – Population Health 14. 100774. doi: 10.1016/j.ssmph.2021.100774.